a whirlpool of thoughts... feelings... happenings

i have this little cloud, a feeling of insignificance. a feeling that someday i'll be replaced. someday everything will fade and what was, is no longer. i fight these feelings with a single thought. insignificance is a made up. a false perception of what is true. it is also a selfish way of thinking. none-the-less every once in a while the cloud appears over my head. 

being important isn't necessary. 

it doesn't aid in our happiness. it may seem to but when it fades happiness follows it. feeling important only seems necessary because i put so much significance on what others think and say about me. when in fact, it doesn't matter. what matters is if i am living my life according to principles of love, grace, joy, and integrity. that is what really brings me happiness. everything else? don't need it. praise feels good, being wanted feels good, being missed feels good but when it's gone? an empty hole, a sadness. when i remove the significance of being praised, wanted and missed i am left with me and my principles. 

so on i float, putting significance on principles not on feelings. forever being the warrior against the thoughts in my head. forever being a leader for love. because when everything is said and done, love is all that is left.


Photo by my sweet friend Ruth

s n a p s h o t s

i haven't had words lately. mostly because i haven't been inspired, but tonight, i felt inspired. laying there, with my eyes closed, watching pictures float around in my mind. snapshots of my life. little tiny moments in the past where i was just sitting and soaking in time. 

there is one laying on the beach in St Thomas, alone, watching these amazing clouds roll in from the horizon. 

there is one driving through the hills in a open top jeep, splashes of sunshine hitting my skin and glimpses of the caribbean popping through the trees. 

there is one sitting on the side of the road in chicago, watching people walk by. everyone having conversations about their day or opinions or families or dramas or dinner plans.

there is one sitting in a pile of slate, over looking a sail boat on the water, in scotland. 

there is one standing alone in a huge crowd of people, who were rushing all around me. 

there is one laying on by grandpa's bed, holding his hand, watching animal planet. 

there is one standing on a cliff in el salvador, watching birds glide through the blue sky. 

there is one laying in bed, listening to coldplay perform a live concert on iTunes. (i know, silly) 

there are walks, road trips, fights, moments of awe, moments of tears, big and tiny moments. all of which i only remember because in them i forced myself to stop thinking about what ever shit was going on, to just remember where i was and what i was doing. no cameras. (although sometimes there were.) no other people knowing that this moment was going to stay with me forever. there are memories and there are snapshots. snapshots are frozen moments in my memory. moments where i remember the feeling of the sun, the feeling of the tears, the feeling of the laughter, the physical touch of a hand and the warmth in my heart.

if in the end all we have is in our minds, i'm not going to forget to pause in moments and take a snapshot. gratitude is what makes us happy. i am overwhelmed with gratitude for those snapshots that make up my life. 

Q U O T E #5

in the face of change what mask do you where? the really tough one Bane from Batman wears? the sleek black and white one from Black Swan? a clown nose with a huge panted smile? i have no idea what face to put on, if i should laugh or cry, jump for joy or snuggle up and wait until the change is passed. 

living in a comfortable place where things rarely change i have grown to assume i am always accepting of change. but i am finding that dropping what i know and being open to whatever happens is much more than just words. change is beautiful, it allows you more room to grow. it gives you new experiences to learn from and teaches you difficult lessons along the way. these are things i know, things that i say all the time. now i am realizing that i also have to tell myself i can not control the future, i don't have the time traveling mask. all i have is my regular old face, a little make up but no mask.

so in the face of change i choose to say hello, welcome to my very simply life. i am ready for a new adventure, i know that what you have in store for me is what is meant to be!

  

C O F F E E T H O U G H T S

i am working on a new collaborative project with a local shop and the yoga studio where i work. the project's goal is to inspire people to take just a few seconds out of their day to bring themselves joy. i sat down this afternoon to write my joy list because i think it's important that i know what brings me joy, especially when winter feels like it's over staying it's welcome. 

sunshine

coffee

eating healthy

working out/yoga

lighting a candle 

fresh flowers

clean sheets

open windows

a perfect playlist

a deep inspiring conversation

a smiling customer 

face masks

relaxing baths

when the moon and the sun are out together

the smell of rain in the air

writing letters

sitting 

a clean home 

traveling 

tiny details

thoughtful words

beautiful pictures

some of these things take only 1 minute and cost little to nothing. it can become difficult to take time out of our busy days to do the things we love. we feel guilty or undeserving. bringing ourselves joy and being present in that joy can lessen our stress, make us feel accomplished and get us through tough times. it is easy to think that happiness comes from lavish vacations, delectable meals, and perfect life. i am finding that my happiness comes from the small things in life that we often forget to celebrate. learning to notice how these little things make us feel is key to being a beacon of joy. 

my hope is that you become inspired by the little things and you learn to be present in the moment. when you light a candle notice the smell. when you crawl into your freshly washed bedding notice how it makes you feel. when a stranger smiles at you notice how you smile back. when your favorite song come on, turn it up, notice how the sound fills your soul. these are the little moments, the ones that pass us by, the ones we forget to acknowledge. those moments make up our lives just as much as the big monumental ones. be present to them, let them bring you joy.       

Q U O T E #4

i read a quote today: 

we live in a world where we are taught to dream big, never give up and that we can have everything we want in we try hard enough. somewhere along the line i think the meaning of the beautiful message of dreaming big was lost or translated wrong or who knows what the heck happened, but all of a sudden dreaming big means having the next best thing. being better than the person to your right. taking crazy risks. spending more money. having more money. being seen. being known. basically having bragging rights to everything and using them always. 

the lady i want to be isn't the lady who has to keep up with the Joneses-or Kardashians (even if i watch that show shamelessly). i want to be the lady who is superior to her former self. at any moment you can lose everything that gives you bragging rights. you can lose your family, job, friends, watches, cars, money, home, EVERYTHING. when it's all gone, and you have nothing to prove that you were once "superior" will you be happy with the person you are left with? yourself. will you think you gave as much as you could, loved as hard as you could, laughed as loud as you could and grew into the person you dreamed you would be? if so then i am doing it wrong because i am not keeping up with the Joneses as much as the next guy. 

i am working on myself. always choosing to look at life with a positive outlook. always choosing a smile over an eye roll. always choosing a laugh over a frustrated grunt. i am learning to put others first but care for myself too. i am learning to take life less seriously. i am learning to be balanced. i am not perfect. i keep buying expensive yoga clothes because somehow they make my yoga better. i keep thinking new things in my apartment will make it more cozy. i am only human, i mean like to shop. but working on me means i get to be ok with the fact that i don't have to be superior to the dude to my right. i can be happy with what i have and know that if i no longer have the "stuff" i will still be happy with what is left, myself. 

C O F F E E T H O U G H T S

WHAT I AM DOING: throughout the month of january i have decided to take a break from social media.  i deleted my Instagram and Facebook apps from my phone. i even logged out of Ebay, Amazon and Pinterest(that only lasted until today…i need my recipes back) my number one goal was to relax, to stop being a slave to my phone and to learn to be with people in realtime and not in the airwaves. don't get me wrong here, i LOVE my Instagram and Pinterest almost as much as i love coffee and yoga but it is always healthy to cleanse. being alone, being quiet, those aren't things that come naturally or easily for me. this year for Christmas i received a handful of thoughtful gifts that were screaming "CORDELIA! YOU NEED TO STOP GOING SO MUCH AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!" i was seeming to me that people, and my Dove Chocolate wrapper, were hinting at something… is it true? am i always on the go and never taking care of myself? fine then, if i have to be alone i will listen to music, watch tv, and talk on the phone, all while checking my Instagram! i will do anything that allows me to turn off but still drown out the actual (non-crazy) voices in my head. again, don't get me wrong here, i love my tv shows and my music but…it's always healthy to cleanse. 

WHAT I AM LEARNING: so far this month i have learned that i rely on technology oh so very very much.  i pack my day full of human interaction then when i come home i indulge in "quiet time" aka tv-watching-instagram-checking-pinterest-pinning-and-secretly-facebook-stalking-frenzy, i call, my social media addiction. i am learning to let go of the need for constant connection and approval. i am learning to sit in a silent room and be comfortable. i am learning to accept the fact that i still have lots of room for improvement. i have realized that being alone does not mean i am lonely.  i have realized that having a ton on interaction on Instagram doesn't mean that i have a ton of very close and personal friends. in a recent conversation with a bull-headed-brother of mine i realized that experiences on the internet are nothing compared to experiences we feel with our hands, see with our eyes or hear with our ears.  as humans we crave connection. so naturally we take the easiest way to make those connections and we run buck wild with it.  however being able to edit those connections actually makes them weaker not stronger.  a strong connection with something/someone is built through every sense of the word connection. we have to be in realtime in order to really be human. 

WHAT I AM TAKING AWAY: life is a serious balancing act. everything must be done in moderation. i love the connections i have made through social media. i love seeing how other people spend their sundays at home or weekends away. i also love living my own sundays and weekends away and not having the need to show everyone. there is the key (at least for me) to having a healthy relationship with my phone. i need to know when is the right time to be "plugged in" and when is the right time to soak in the surroundings and just be. 

C O F F E E T H O U G H T S

every week i am blessed by fascinating people who come into the coffee shop for treats (oh ya, i work at a coffee shop). one of my favorite parts of my job is learning about our customers, what drinks they like, how many shots of espresso, hot or cold, if they will want a treat, what kinds of coffee flavors they like and all sorts of other details. i love the reaction we get from people when we know what they want before they manage to tell us. it is special because i think we all love to know that people are listening, even when it's only about coffee.

lately i have had a few conversations with people about how much they love coming into the shop. my only thought about that is "i hope people love coming into the shop because its full of people who want to be there. if we love what we do, what we do should radiate with love, and who doesn't want to be in a place full of loving people." i was thinking about that today, what does it look like to wake up every day and dread going to work? why would you even want to do that? is making more money and hating what you do better than making less money but loving what you do? who knows. everyone is different and everyone can decide for themselves. for me though, i wouldn't change my job for another. waking up happy to see the people i work with and the customers i serve is such a blessing for me. being able to put a smile on someones face just by handing them a small cup of caffeine is so...neat...yes neat, there isn't a better way to describe that. there are days when i'd kill to be a customer at our shop, i love the community, the light tapping of computer keys, the aroma of fresh ground beans and the small quiet whispers of stories coming from the cozy couches. to me those little details are worth way more than anyone could offer me. thank you strangers and familiar faces that i see at work, you inspire me, you encourage me, and you make me want to inspire and encourage others. 

-coffee lover-

to the little ones...

let the hearts of the young run free.

 

 

 

little lady, 

when you grow up be brave, be encouraging and be thoughtful. show the world love and honesty. worry less about yesterday and tomorrow, focus on the now. don't let the stupidness of the world break your joy. give yourself treats like ice cream but don't forget to be healthy inside and out. speak positively about everything, focusing on the negative will suck the happiness out of life. you are a beautiful piece of the earth, love it with all your might. don't forget to laugh at yourself and let failure help you grow. 

love, 

a lady in training. 

a wedding to remember

on 6.15.13 Anna, Dexter, and all of their friends and family celebrated a full weekend of wedding bliss. i spent the weekend behind my [iPhone] lens capturing pictures of all the fun.  1000+ pictures later i put together this little video as a memento of their special day.(I'd suggest watching it on Vimeo to see it in HD...they are cell phone pictures so the quality isn't supreme)

   

i hope you guys love it! miss you and can't wait to see you again!

Q U O T E #3

i may admit something embarrassing in the next few paragraphs...

i am a amateur hoarder. truth. i recently cleaned out my parents attic (which was 3/4 full of my crap). i threw away 4 boxes of trash, sold 4 boxes of treasures, and kept 4 boxes of memories. after all 6 hours working in 80 degree confined spaces and getting 4 or 5 minor cuts/bruises, i still struggled to toss a box of old middle school/high school notes(in fact i might be under my bed right now... but, hey! i never claimed perfection:). EMBARRASSING CENTRAL!   you would think i'd learn my lesson. 

the reason i am sharing all that "crap" is to say that i think the lesson here for me to learn isn't that saving memories is bad. It's more that collecting moments can mean more than saving a note box. yes things can be tied to memories but when the things are shoved in boxes below boxes of cd cases from the 90's you tend to forget the memory anyways. 

when i sifted through the boxes i felt waves of emotions i am not sure i really wanted or needed to dig up. i started to think that maybe those memories weren't memories i needed to hold on to so tightly. maybe the memories i need to hold on to are those images, that play like movie clips in my head, of me snuggled next to my grandpa, watching Animal Planet, and holding his frail hand, weeks before he died. Or those nights driving home from karate (yes...karate...) with my dad, windows down on a summer night listening to songs from the Goo Goo Dolls and Semisonic. think back, what is your first memory? i bet, if you can remember it, it had some sort of impact on your life. i also bet, if you are anything like me, you don't really even remember what you have saved in that old box of scrapbooking stuff you bought in high school and used only a handful of times. 

don't get me wrong, i mean, i do still have 4 boxes of "things" i call memories in the attic. baby books and pictures, dress up clothes and yearbooks, who knows! but i am realizing that time with people i love, and conversations with people i've never met impact my life more deeply than a tiny picture frame someone gave me when i turned 16(a million years ago). sometimes that stuff clouds the way and makes life complicated. my new plan in my life is to learn to simplify a little. to look at what is really meaningful and hold tightly to that because those are experiences that can help guide me through tough times, a box of memories that is hiding can't...

if you have sometime today, dust off the cobwebs in you memory storage, and smile at the things your brain held on too.

C O F F E E T H O U G H T S

 i recently traveled to Moab, UT with family for a camping trip. if you know me, you know i have a streak of girly girl in me. so a weekend in the mountains with limited cleanness and zero make up is just the dose of medicine this girl needed. what did the constant sweat and sore muscles teach me?

the most amazing thing happened for me while i was running across the mountain tops, i discovered the key to conquer my fears. society tells us we have to have life figured out and planned perfectly so that everything falls into place but what the mountains taught me was the opposite. when you stand on top of a very scary looking fin (flat mountain top) and you look to the sids all you can see is jagged rocks. if you look behind you it seem easier to just turn around and go back, but if you look forward and focus on what is right in front of you its easy! 

while sipping my coffee this morning i started to feel anxious about what the future holds for me and if i have taken all the right steps to get where i am. but then i was reminded of the rock and remembered that when i focus on anything except the present, life gets scary. so i am choosing to focus on the present, to be grateful for where i am and for the people in my life. and THAT is the key to kicking fear in the butt.      

DO NOT SPOIL WHAT YOU HAVE BY DESIRING WHAT YOU DO NOT HAVE.

REMEMBER THAT WHAT YOU NOW HAVE WAS ONCE AMOUNG THE THINGS YOU ONLY HOPED FOR. 

-EPICURUS

quote #2

its no secret to the people around me, i am a serious lover of yoga! there are moments in practice when i feel like i can no longer stand but there is nothing more rewarding for me than being able to push myself through the shakes and find strength.  i have been thinking a lot lately about being in warrior pose.  for those who don't know what warrior pose looks like, you must google it if you plan on understanding any of what i am about to say :)  yogis say that when you are in warrior it is important to have your arm balanced in the middle. if you reach forward you are reaching into the future, if you reach backwards you are reaching into the past. when you find balance in the middle you are living in the present. 

I found a quote...

i really liked this, because it helps me remember that living in the present is the only way i can remain balanced.  i don't find myself dwelling in the past but more fully focused on the future.  i always want to solve problems before they even happen.  like in warrior pose, a strong warrior waits in the present and is prepared for what ever is to come.  it is important to face the future but to do so with strength.  when i reach too far forward it doesn't take much to knock me out of balance. i want to be a strong warrior who looks to the future with strength and bravery. 

as spring blossoms don't forget to live in the present and find joy in the little things.

  

Snapshots

some of my favorite bloggers (bleubird vintage & elsie from a beautiful mess) share pictures of their daily life through posting "a picture an hour" or "bits and pieces" and other really cute series ideas.  i always find myself taking snapshots of my life but never doing anything with the pictures themselves, so i decided to share them on here! 

1.shoes at the door. 2.cleaning day candle 3.sleepy kitty 4.raw baking 5.typical nail color. 6.left over valentines(idea from smile and wave)

C O F F E E T H O U G H T S

i am in no way embarrassed to admit that a good cup of coffee makes me think soo much better than it should. you might call it addiction but i just think it's a part of every day life.  after clearing away the clouds in my mind i sometimes come to a new understand of who i am. weird but true, coffee carries magical powers, who knew?

today's cup suggested to me that maybe i am not bound by one type of category. when we meet new people we try and figure out how to explain ourselves through small titles. we want to categorize our personality so others understand just who we are, but my coffee thoughts say it's impossible to sum up people with titles. 

i simply don't fit in just one category because the categories that i want to claim contradict one another. (that might just be the only easy going thing about me.) so you want to talk about organic healthy living? you got it! want to watch football and drink a beer? you got it! Want to shop high end fashion and be a hipster? okay that's easy! i can't tell you that it's entirely normal to be that indecisive about what you like but just look at my closet and you will understand that i just like too many things to claim one type! i want to be a hippie and a casual prep? is that even possible? i guess what i am getting at is that maybe it's okay that we hate the idea of hot dogs but love Coney Island. do things like that have to be the only way we define ourselves? life is about balance and dabbling a small amount in everything helps you do that. it also keeps people guessing. 

life isn't about what we do but who we are and defining who we are is up to us. i am me...that's all.  

N E W Y E A R

in honor of the new year, i started to reflect on all the wonderful thing that happened to me in 2012.                      

each year i do a little project for my birthday, birthday goals.  so because of that i don't ever make a list of new year resolutions.  i like to commit myself to my birthday goals and go from there.  this year i made yet another list of 24 things to do before i turn 25, last year i make a 23 thing to do before i turn 24.  one of my favorite parts of 2012 was completing my entire list and i am sure i will do it again in 2013! 

as for 2012? i am so grateful for you. you taught me how to be independent, how to love more deeply, how to take ownership of my actions, how to be more understanding of others and their needs, how to set boundaries and how to bake a pie! i am so grateful for my family, i love learning from their strength. i have never been so full of excitement for a new year but i just know 2013 will be a brilliantly wonderful year. 

xoxo

cord

q u o t e #1

have you been on pinterest lately? it is packed full of quotes and i am willing to admit...i am guilty of repining a good chunk of those. each one is designed to inspire and encourage it's readers. but reading quotes doesn't automatically make you live a happy, perfect life.  words are just words, they are empty and meaningless with out actions.  it is actions that inspire quotes, not words.  as the new year approaches i want to push myself to create actions out of inspiring words...  

i have decided to be a person who continues to make positive changes to become the person i want to be. 

exercising my right to remain silent

i love when my brother says he is listening to the traffic and people outside of his window.  it isn't often in our busy lives that we actually sit down to listen to the environment around us; the chatter and clatter of people, the whoosh of cars and the jingle of keys.  if it is rare that we listen to what is around us, then are we really listening to the people who are actually talking to us?

listening is a practiced skill that takes years and years to master.  as a child, listening is difficult because who really wants to clean up their toys?  as a teenager it is difficult because no one around you could possibly understand what you are going through.  as an adult it is difficult because you have experienced so much more and you want to share what worked for you.

i work in a pre-school room with children 6 months to 24 months. if you've never met a child before this may be difficult to understand; children do not exactly go about the easiest way to tell you what they need. they cry, wine, kick, hit, scratch, laugh, make faces and lay there looking helpless. in other words  they require a lot of patience aka listening skills. listening to a child mean you understand what their cries mean, you understand what their laughs mean, when they babble you understand they are telling you something important. children are a great tool for teaching adults how to listen.  

surprisingly, even adults have trouble telling each other how they are feeling, they say one thing but their actions say another thing. if you do not have the keen ability to listen to them you might miss very important clues to explain their actions.   

next time you are having a conversation with someone exercise your right to remain silent.  listen deeply to their words and watch their expressions. all people want to be understood and to understand someone we must understand what they are saying to you. lets try to hear what is being said. don't compare your stories, happy, sad or otherwise.  everyone experiences emotions and if you want to hear the emotions someone is experiencing you must refrain from comparing yours to theirs.  when someone is telling you they had a bad day and list the reasons, listen.  even when you want to say "that happened to me today too!" 

deep listening allows people to feel validated. when people feel validated they feel understood. 

go, and LISTEN.

someone put bourbon in the pie

each year, me and a few special people head to Chicago to go to the Renegade Craft Fair. our time there is the welcoming of fall we all crave.  needless to say, each year i become inspired by all of the inventive people in the world. this naturally results in me buying many thing i clearly need. this year i found something that inspired more than a crafty outlook for fall, it inspired the baker i know i secretly am. Chicago's very own slice of brilliance, PIEBOX.

i mean how was a girl supposed to resist the wonderful image a piebox brings to the world!? and because i bought a box for it, and i hate to do things half heartedly, i made a pie. 

...and what does one do with a freshly baked pie and the most perfect home for it... take pictures you say? why of course! 

oh yes. the pie tasted delicious, thanks to this recipe from A Beautiful Mess Blog

xoxo

cordelia 

there is a chill in the air tonight, something i missed this summer.  the sky has a greyish-pinkish tint and from where i am sitting i can hear the fast paced movement of traffic.  fall is here.  the trees can feel it and are preparing to stun the town with their beautiful leaves.  the ground is preparing to frost over and the flowers know it's time to rest.  winter is coming, life is slowing down.  

for me, fall is a time to slow my fast moving body and spend some time locked down in my own world.  i like the thought of that because as i get older i realize that while being surrounded by people is wonderful there is something completely and equally as wonderful about being alone.  alone time gives your mind time to breathe and your body time to relax.  this is not a strength of mine.  i am good at being alone, i am not good at making time to be alone.  

i recently taught myself a new trick, waking up very early. it is quiet in the morning.  the sun is still sleeping and the people are too.  early means time in quiet, time doing what i love, alone. starting my days alone has given me time to think about the person i want to become and the things i am dreaming of. when i am dreaming, i am being me.

i hope that this week you can find 20 minutes of quiet, alone time.  use it wisely, it's hard to come by. 

-Cordelia  

Rainy Day Tales from Scotland

when i was in...middle school? there was a show on mtv called "as told by ginger".  considering i did not have mtv i never really watched the show, i just knew the song.  there was one line that said "the grass is always greener on the other side"  i find myself thinking about that statement every time i compare my life to others, which is shamefully more often than i would like to admit. 

my recent travels through scotland showed me that in fact the grass IS greener on the other side! but that doesn't mean that greener is any better or worse than the more dull shade of my usual grass. 

confused? well basically no matter where i go people are generally just people.  i think location has a certain impact on my view of the grass but i also think that my attitude plays a huge roll in how green my grass looks. life does not automatically improve when you get to the other side. the improvement has to come from our thoughts, changing how we view the sides rather than just changing the sides hoping for a better view.

a view that is full of green grass is a view that requires tons of mind and thought discipline.  my goal is to start noticing that i have the power in my thoughts to make my side of the world greener. i have been noticing that most people experience the same sadness, hurt, fear, worry, happiness, joy, excitement and contentment all over.  it has just become a quick assumption that others experience all emotions better than we do because they are on the greener side of life.

if you want your grass to be greener learn to smile at your worries and fears then smile even bigger at your excitement and joy. comparing yourself to others could kill your grass all together, and no one wants to look at dead grass.  find gratitude for you successes and joy for your failures.  you are the only fertilizer that can make your grass greener, so you better get to work!     

Cheers!

ps. i do want to say that i do think some have more serious struggles than others.  no two people experience the exact same experiences, this is a generalization of emotions but also a truth in the power of thought.     

crumbs from my summer

summer is coming to an end, and while i love fall it makes me a little sad to say good bye to the sunshine, heat, pool and smoothies.  with a trip only a few days away i wanted to share a few bits from my summer favorites. by the time i'm return home it will be back to school and my final semester of college! woohoo!

it's always little pictures like these that make me remember how much i love life.  i try to never forget to appreciate the small stuff. i need to start slowing down to enjoy the little things so that all the big bad things don't take over my memories.  

-cordelia.

pictures: 1.2.3.Nutella Cookies. 4.Date Smoothie 5.6.Nutella Coffee Chiller

   

view of the world

[disclosure... this is a long one... i hope you don't get lost and forget to finish, i promise my next will be short and sweet and full of pictures] 


as an infant your perspective consists of mostly the house you live in and your parents.  your physical view of the world is very small, it might consist of the ground and a crib.  you probably noticed a ceiling fan at some point. as a toddler the park and maybe daycare you attended are added to the list of things that influence your development. thinking logically is simply out of the question. trees look like monsters in the dark, and spiders are the scariest things around. after dinner comes snack and then dessert, they are separate things not to be skipped or messed with by an adult.  obviously the world turns when you breathe and everything is the way you think it is. 

then somewhere between 7 and 12 you begin to see other people's points of view. you totally get that trees cast shadows and mythical monsters are not real even though until your  are 89 year old shadows will still make you wonder what creepy things are in the dark.  your logic is developing. you start noticing that maybe things aren't exactly how 6 year old you assumed.  

once you hit 12, until you die, you are developing your abstract reasoning.  we don't really ever stop learning, that is if we continue to search for new knowledge.

i think our view of the world around us is developed by experiences.  i think that expanding our view helps us understand others and ourselves.  if we were locked up in a house like an infant, our view of the world would be small.  some people don't have diverse views because their experiences have not pushed them to and uncomfortable place. i think we learn most when we feel uncomfortable. because we are human we don't really enjoy the feeling of being uncomfortable therefore we are rarely stretched to new knowledge.  


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children, on the other hand, are always exploring, pushing limits and asking bizarre questions. what i started noticing this summer was that even though i am not sitting in a classroom from 8a.m until 2:45p.m that does not give me the right to sit back and assume that my perspective of the world is the only right one out there. 


my abstract reasoning was stretched when i realized that what was good, and right for me was not necessarily the same for my friends. this of course is something my mother had told me 1.6 billon times before, "what your brother needs from me is different than what you need from me."  it always seemed strange to me that my little brother's curfew was later than mine, and because he was a boy his freedom was much different from mine.  after umm.. (embarrassing fact:)8+ years of arguing with my parents about what was right and wrong i sit here today in shame. they, once again, were right.  what is good for some is not always good for me. 


my perspective in life is built on the years i've spent babysitting, getting hit by a car, going to a church, attending my high school, riding horses, being home schooled, recess in the park, digging holes for dead goldfish, ducks, cats, and other dead animals we found on the street, organizing beads, writing stories, listening to music, enjoying food, doing yoga, having friends, bickering, traveling the world, listening to others, trying to listen to my parents and forming relationships. the person next to me has spend their life in a much different way than i have spent mine. so why would their current life need to look exactly like mine? what they have experienced lends them to a different life than the one i am living.  


[the end is near...hang on, you can do it!]


this in no way means that the stranger whose life looks different than mine and i cannot connect.  it is the small experiences and similarities that connect us. if we are living in a box, or with our head in the clouds we will never take the time to learn that the stranger might actually be one of our long lost confidants. in order to create meaning in our lives we have to make eye contact with those whose lives look different than ours, we must travel to ends of the earth to see how others are creating meaning of their lives. we must search for uncomfortable situations (but still safe)to learn how to solve problems.  we must be that child we were at age 6. we really don't have all the answers (well at least i don't...you might). 

[did you make it to the end? thanks! good luck experiencing the world and discovering new ways of life]  


-cordelia              

little things bring happiness

happiness is what you make it.  in any situation, at any time, you can be happy.  i love noticing all the little things that bring me joy, it makes me feel alive.  

i read a quote the other day... 

"i was born when all i once feared-i could love"-rabia

to be alive is to find the strength to love, to love all things, even when it's easier to live in fear.  

summer printsagram 

birch and boy 

 

uncle and boyfriend 

croquet 

 hearts in nature 

 kids and games 

lime cake and berries 

 momma

coffee and tea cups

 boyfriend 

shutters

 blue and gold 

 brunch

 me